#7: STOP in the name of boundaries

Jeanette Peterson 0:05

So getting out of the military, I didn't know how to set my own boundaries, so I would not have any. I didn't have any between my life and my work, and my home and my business

Jeanette Peterson 0:32

you're listening to the unapologetically unstoppable podcast, it's about going deep into who you are made to be. And following that, no matter what, where your calling is in the front seat, and fear, well, it's trying to stop you. But fuck that guy, and getting the tools and tips to become an unstoppable. I'm your host, Jeanette Peterson, where not too long ago, I had to find my calling here, you'll hear from me and other online experts on how to discover your calling, the steps to make it happen, and how to monetize it. I believe in we're unapologetic about our calling, we become an unstoppable expansive force. So let's get started.

Jeanette Peterson 1:41

During the military, it was like a ton of I don't wanna say boundaries, but a ton of restrictive things that you can and cannot do. And if you went beyond, you could be court martialed.

Jeanette Peterson 2:02

And if you went beyond, you could be court martialed. Meaning go to jail, or get in big trouble from the military, or they can pretty much do whatever they want. Yeah, it'd be really bad. Like, their jail is not like regular jail, their jail is like, Oh, we're gonna make this big pile into little piles, and then make this little pile back into big piles. Just because we don't have anything for you to do, and you're gonna do it. And the time we tell you to do it as fast or as slow as we tell you to do. And then you're gonna walk in these crazy squares, and you're gonna eat squares, I'm gonna do whatever we tell you to do. That's absolutely ridiculous. Because we control you, we control you. So like leaving the military, you have zero boundaries.

Jeanette Peterson 2:53

I remember the first time that I left the state without telling anybody. I was like, a little paranoid, a little like, oh, my gosh, am I getting in trouble? What's gonna happen. And I had been so conditioned to make sure that I had one clean uniform with me wherever I went, that when we moved, I packed a uniform, I was already out of the military, I had been out of the military, okay, not that long. April, May, June, July, three months, I had been out of the mosaic for three months. And I packed my uniform. Like in my luggage, not like in TMO, which is like, the, like the, the containers of stuff that they shipped for you, like in my actual luggage that I was going to carry with us. Now I was pregnant. And I was out of the military, and we were moving across the country. I didn't have any orders, like I was already out, like what was I thinking, those boundaries that people place on you, you think sometimes that you are meant to live in them forever. It's very much like a society that is meant to do that. I mean, you have to write in the military, you have to do that. Because there are very strict rules or things that could hurt other people. It can't be chaos inside the military, because we cause chaos to other things. So we have to be a strict and straight narrow. Always we all have to fall in line. You are not yourself, you are a piece of this cog this machine, you as an individual don't matter, etc, etc. So when I got out, I didn't know how to set my own boundaries. Somebody always set them for me, and I didn't know kind of boundaries. I want it or need it.

Jeanette Peterson 4:36

There were no boundaries in the military. They could call you at 8am After you just got off a 12 hour shift until you to come back in and you do that. You don't get paid more. You don't get a pat on the back maybe but not really. They expect you to do it. They expect you to fall in line and you do what they tell you to do. No questions asked, no matter how shitty they treat you. No matter what they say to you, no matter how rude they are or not. Nice, maybe they get you food. And that's great, but it doesn't actually matter. Because you're all fucked up in the head anyway. So it's just like this system that happened. Anyways. So getting out of the military, I didn't know how to set my own boundaries, so I would not have any, I didn't have any between my life and my work, and my home and my business. And the only ones that I kind of had or like, around my relationship, like, there were certain rules that we placed, like, like I say, rules loosely, but like, expectations that we had each other, like, you won't be in the room with a member of the opposite sex with the door closed or in the house by yourself, or like any of those types of things that it's not like something is going to happen.

Jeanette Peterson 5:51

But things could be perceived in negative ways. And it was just like, we're just not going to put ourselves in any situation where there could be anything that could happen, just not gonna happen, we're not gonna put ourselves in those positions. So those only kind of boundaries that we actually have. And those are just like, to keep our marriage. And like, because we loved each other. And those were not like worlds, like I said, So in business, it is not hard for me to put boundaries, but I feel those triggers of the military coming back of, I'm not serving my people, well, I'm not doing things I'm supposed to be doing. I'm gonna fail them, I'm gonna, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna. But Alison has ever been in the military. So she's really good at boundaries. And she's good at helping me keep those boundaries with our clients. Last week was CEO week. And we didn't have any client meetings, which was great. But I

Jeanette Peterson 6:57

I always feel bad. And I'm not saying this that like, we should change our boundaries around the I 1,000% say that we should not change our boundaries. I'm just saying that it's hard. I'm just saying that I'm human. And it's not like I don't, it's, I feel obligated to. But I also have to be obligated to myself and my family. And those things. So I keep those boundaries. It's hard. Because I don't want to let people down. I'm a people pleaser. But I always feel better about myself and the relationship that I have with my family afterwards. Because at the end of the day, those are the people that I actually give a fuck about. Those are the people that I really, truly love and care about, and care what they think customers are going to come and go money is cyclical. There's a wave and abundance of money that's always going to come at us and through us and to us and to distribute in etc, etc. But those people and that time that you spend with them here on earth, for the time that they're here. It's not time that you can just get back. So although I feel bad because of the conditioning that I've had, because that's what it was conditioning.

Jeanette Peterson 8:26

I have to continue to hold tight to those boundaries. And I'm glad that I have a partner that reminds me, and is almost like an accountability partner in that. I mean, it's our shared calendar, so she'll be like, What the fuck is this? I'm like, Oh, shit, I shouldn't move that. Which happened this week. Sorry, I was in the fields into this cybus americana on Mondays, Mondays are our days oops, sorry. This because they feel like oh, I could help them right now. Which is not true. It's not true. Time is made up. Also, it's just a stupid thing. It's not real. I guess you just need to like, write them have grace, right? Have grace with yourself because you're not going to get them right 100% of the time. I guess that's what I'm trying to say to myself, girl, you got this, have some grace with yourself. Just do better next time, which is what I would tell you if you asked me about this, have grace. That 11 and a half years of conditioning is not going to go away. Right away. Have grace. do better next time. Remember, the people that matter? Money is cyclical. It will come it will come and you don't have to worry about fighting for it. Or hoarding it or holding on to it because as long as you're open to a coming in and leaving it will come in. We'll talk about abundance next week.

Jeanette Peterson: 10:13

Oh my goodness. Now I know you're ready to take this to the next level. So what you need to do is go to Facebook join a community of bad as unapologetically unstoppable women at the unapologetically unsolvable community. And you can find me on the grams at Jeanette.Peterson or at Peterson and Belle. This podcast was created by me, Jeanette Peterson and Alison Hartman. Our producer is The Amy Williams, talk soon.